IDEAS

Why Are We So Busy Chasing Strangers?

I’ve had this conversation with hundreds of business owners and salespeople. They know they should stay in touch with their customers, past clients and the people who already know them. They know those relationships are valuable. So why don’t they?

“I don’t want to bother them.”

Really? We’re so afraid of bothering people who already know us that we’d rather spend our time harassing complete strangers?

We’re perfectly comfortable calling someone we’ve never met, interrupting their dinner, filling their inbox or chasing them around the internet with ads. Yet the thought of calling someone we genuinely like makes us uncomfortable.

I think it’s because we don’t want them to think we’re selling something. We value the relationship, and the last thing we want is for someone we care about to think we’re only interested in their next transaction. If they feel like we’re using the relationship to get something from them, it feels like a betrayal of their trust. That’s a pretty good instinct. I just think we’re drawing the wrong conclusion from it.

We’ve gotten so accustomed to thinking about relationships in terms of what they’re worth to our businesses that we forget to consider what they’re worth to the other person. Think about having “your guy.” The mechanic you trust to tell you when you don’t need an expensive repair. The accountant who’ll answer a question without sending an invoice. The real estate agent who’ll talk you out of buying the wrong house. Wouldn’t you be delighted to hear from one of those people if they had something useful to share?

That’s the question behind my Relationship Value Matrix. Who receives value from a relationship, and what kind of value do they receive? When we look beyond the transaction, there’s usually a lot more going on than we realize.

Of course, if the only reason you’re calling is to ask for a referral, I understand why you feel awkward. You probably should. So find a better reason to call.

We spend a fortune trying to get strangers to know, like and trust us. Meanwhile, we’re afraid to pick up the phone and call the people who already do. Does anybody else think that’s a little nuts?